It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
