at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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