Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
