i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
