ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
