There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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