Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
