Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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