3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
