im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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