Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
of course. lets lasso hookers.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
