All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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