There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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