ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
