I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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