I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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