Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
