If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
