hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
