I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
