We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
