How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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