all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
