Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
