Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
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I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
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you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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