I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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