Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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