your thong is hanging out like whoa
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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