I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
