It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
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Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize