I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
