Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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