So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
