That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
