i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
