Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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