just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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