You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
