I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
