I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I look better un-naked...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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