Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
