I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
