I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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