the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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