I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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