is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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