dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
