i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I need moral support for this bender
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
