Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
