I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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