does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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