Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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