I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
