Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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