I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
