I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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