i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
