You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
