Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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