you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
