By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
