I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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