she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
