I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
