My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
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Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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