i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
