thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
