..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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