he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
