Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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