There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
