DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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