i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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