Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
do herpes really smell.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
