At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
