I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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